Day #94: Barely Hanging in There

Only a few more days are left here in Juneau. Things are winding down, and the feel of this place is already different. It seems appropriate that the leaves are beginning to change and the days are starting to feel really short - everything about life here is falling asleep as the colder months begin to take hold. The tours feel different; it's like the tourists know that this is the end and they feel equally as burnt out as we do. Another two no-ship days are here. We hardly know what to do with ourselves so we sit in our hotel rooms having movie marathons and ordering pizza delivery, all the while trying to rally our spirits to maintain the enthusiasm for just another 5 days. Everyone is tired: tired of the season, tired of the politics, tired of answering the same 5 questions over and over again. There is so much joy in the memories but we're all ready for the next big thing.

Everyone is anxious for the next step. Some have already gone back to school, a few have decided to stay in Juneau. Camille is getting married, Nick and Nick are moving to Vegas to hit it big in the Poker circuit. Ericka and Debs are road tripping, like myself. Brit, Hillary and Laura are going to Europe, and the other Nick is heading to Texas for a while. Jessica is moving to Bellingham and Amy is going to Hawaii to drive buses there. And some aren't sure what's next, but there's no shame in that. It's weird to think that my closest friends over the last few months will no longer be around; we all came together from very different places and all of a sudden we are dispersing and heading out in completely opposite directions once again. My new found love of seasonal work comes with one drawback: the impermanence of friendships. I know that I will try to stay in touch with all these people, and of course I now have friends all over the world, but it is never easy to say goodbye especially when you're not sure when you'll see these people again. I hope it is soon.

Alaska changed me. I'm not entirely sure that I can say exactly how I've changed over the course of the summer, but I know that it's real and that I feel more awake and alive than I ever have. Perhaps the harshness of this place has caused my ideals to lower their standards to a more realistic level, or maybe I have become more aware of myself and what I need to remain sustained. I understand that nothing is permanent and that you can't please everyone (and that this is okay). Perhaps I am not as humble as I like to think I am. I've learned that healthy relationships can get through anything, especially when that love is unconditional and comes from the bottom of one's heart, but also that sometimes even the best of friends have to let go and give each other time to grow independently. All in all, my time here in Alaska has been a very positive experience, though there are a few things that will forever taint my memory of this place - but I hope that those memories will transform into stories to laugh over years from now. I know that in these months to come, as I reflect back on my time here in Juneau, AK, driving tour buses, I will begin to understand what each of those important moments meant - the moments where I faltered, where I floundered, or where I flourished. They all have significant meanings for my life and I can't wait to discover what they are, because all of them together will help me to grow as a person and better understand who I really am underneath all of the sense of adventure that swells inside of me.