Is there anything meaningful about what I am doing here? All I did today was drive in circles around the same mile of road for 4 hours, carting tourists back and forth and answering the same 5 questions a hundred and fifty times. Boring. I mean, I'm grateful for hours, but I walked away from today feeling like I accomplished nothing.
I'm feeling down today. It is raining, I had a pointless day, and once again I am comparing myself to others. I feel overshadowed and under appreciated. It's hard not to feel put down when I can see visible disappointment on others' faces when it's me who opens the door; and I can't tell if this place is more constructive or destructive towards my growth as a person on days like today. I know that my hopelessness blues are deep and intense when they happen, but this is precisely the problem. This doesn't happen quite so exaggerated when I am around people that I truly believe care about me. The only thing I feel that is holding my pieces together tonight is the fact that Daniel will be here on Friday. Otherwise, I would feel like letting myself fall apart.
Sorry for the dramatic and depressing update. I hope that this passes and that I can put a smile back on my face tomorrow. I know I'm hormonal right now, but it doesn't mean that there isn't some validity in how I am feeling...
(Edit: I forgot to mention that yesterday, during one of my infinite circles, I met a photographer who had climbed Mount Shasta just about a week ago with Jeremy Jones & company. Dude lives in Lake Tahoe and just shoots snowboarders for a profession. What a great way to live - he was very nice and very humble, which I always think is fabulous.)
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