Day #27: Struggle Between Opposites

Today was more or less a relaxing day; I had lots of stage time between runs back and forth from the docks to the ski area so I read a ton of the book I'm reading, which is Lynn Hill's autobiography "Climbing Free." (Lynn Hill was the first woman to free climb [unaided climbing, not to be confused with free soloing without a rope] the Nose of El Cap in Yosemite. She is a huge inspiration to me.) In the 70's and her teen years, she spent her summers in Yosemite climbing with some of the legends of trad climbing, living off of next to nothing but being the happiest she could have imagined. One summer she lived off of $75 for 4 months. She spent her twenties in the 80's road tripping with her boyfriend just exploring different climbing crags, working odd jobs along the way to make it by. The people who surrounded her were supportive and shared her passion for climbing and the outdoors; they became lifelong friends. Her goal was merely freedom and building the relationship with the rocks she sent. So much of me wants to throw my hands up and simply pursue this passion for the free-spirited lifestyle of climbing. I want to be out there right now. But I justify my time here by telling myself that the more I do it, the longer I will be able to live a simple, free life.

Again, I don't meen to insinuate that I'm not having fun or that I don't totally appreciate this experience and opportunity. There are just days, like today, when I wish I were free from this and I could simply strap on my rock shoes, grab my climbing partner, and head out to the crag. (And I know that life can't be like that always, but I'm young and unattached to anything substantial, so I feel like I should take full advantage of that!) Anyway, I came today home from a 12 hour day feeling very worn down and tired. This work is taking a lot out of me; I am recognizing the true value of leisure time, something I'll never take for granted or sacrifice. I don't hate this time here - Juneau is beautiful, especially when it's sunny - but let's just say that when September ends I will be one happy chickling. Basically, I have two sides of my being that are in opposition of each other, and I'm just trying to find a balance between the two... Thanks for your support, everyone.