Day #70: A World of Ups and Downs

I realize that my life is a roller coaster. Sometimes I am up, sometimes I am down, and sometimes (though they seem to be more rare than anything) I am just in between. A lot of days these are extremes - I am really high or really low. Our society seems to put a negative emphasis on people who aren't as stable emotionally, and I don't doubt that an emotional stasis might be more healthy on some levels; but the more I learn about the breadth of the human condition, the more I tell myself just to accept it. I am who I am because I am an all or nothing person; this applies to everything from my friendships to hobbies, from emotional levels to tastes and aversions. I may as well love myself for the unimportant character "flaws" I possess. That being said, I can control myself, but I obviously can't control others, so when my close friends around me look down on me for me for these up and down roller coaster emotions, it's really hard for me to feel great about loving myself in spite of their disapproval. I'm trying to stay true to myself without stepping on any toes. So not only am I learning a lot about myself here in Alaska, I'm learning a lot about relationships with others and how those change with changing environments.

This brings me to something I heard Debs say the other day that I can't get out of my head. She said she has learned a lot over the last year about staying constant - what she meant was figuring out how to remain true to yourself when the world around you or the environments you put yourself in are changing. I think about my journey to this point in my life and I wonder how well I have accomplished this. On a surface level, when I came here, nothing changed. I still like to spend time outdoors, travel, adventure into things that might be slightly beyond my comfort zone; but on a deeper, more emotional level, am I the same? I think there is more behind this question than I even understand at this moment, and it makes me wonder what secrets of life I might stumble across next.

Needless to say, I am feeling better, though work has become monotonous and more of a chore than fun anymore. I will start my countdown, because I am really looking forward to the SUN and to travelling with that special someone, but I'm also going to cherish these last 4 weeks and 2 days before I go home. Anything is possible, and I am blessed to have a way to fund my travels, so I will wear a smile on my face and enjoy each remaining second in this beautiful land that is the great northern state. Alaska has been wonderful to me.

(Side note. Dumbest tourist question ever: where can I buy postcards in town?)